@Molly_Kats: A Victoria's Secret commercial will always come on when you're elbow deep in a bag of Doritos.
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@Browneyed_mama: I think my dog goes out at night to drink with her doggie friends. At least she can't drive because that would be ridiculous.
@mommajessiec: If your child walks out of the bathroom with a cup of water, always ask where the water came from. I know this now.
@RocketRankoon: "What time is it?" *pulls out phone, checks Twitter, puts phone away* *Still has no idea what time it is*