@lecalabara
@briangaar
Girl can I ask you a question *gets down on one knee* would you like to make $8,000 a week working from home
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@briangaar
@turtledumplin
Why do you look surprised in all your selfies? Didn’t you know you were taking the picture?
@GrillinChillin9
If at first you don’t succeed then try, try again.
Unless you’re skydiving then good luck with that.
@backupbear
For anyone interested, you’ll find my complete Windows 8.1 review below:
Still sucks.
@SnizzleFrizzle
My moral compass must run on solar power, because it never seems to work after dark.
@smhluckyme
If you don’t smile at yourself in the mirror at least twice a day, do you even brush your teeth?
@OhNoSheTwitnt
I wonder who the sorting hat will choose as the new Pope.
@280Jokes
When I was younger I used to sell home security alarms door to door. I was always selling the most security alarms out of anyone else I worked with. “What’s your secret?”. If I went to call on a house and nobody was home, then I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
@bourgeoisalien
Is there an apology card for: Sorry I kidnapped your dog and made him run on a treadmill to power my toaster last week, or no?
@Hobo_Splendido
I found my people and neither them nor I are happy about it