10 bucks says when Dora grows up, she’s gonna be a drug mule.
A woman in front of me is taking forever to decide on her coffee order. Might unleash the raw fury of my passive aggressive deep sigh but there are children watching
You Might Also Like
My wife fell asleep during American Idol, so I got up like a fat ninja and turned hockey on. Then, I whispered to myself “I run this house”
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
When I get new followers I lean in close and whisper to their avi:
“You’ve chosen wisely, Grasshopper.”
Me: So tired
Brain: IKR!! But wait, who organised the alphabet…
M: Please don’t
B: N how do we know it’s not actually disorganized?
Home Alone 3: Take the Hint, Kevin
Easily one of the best social distancing ads I’ve seen
When I left for work this morning, the dog begged me to stay and the cat handed me my keys.
Me: I’m going to need some laughing gas.
Receptionist: Your appointment isn’t for 3 months.
Me: Is that a yes?