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@humanaaron: AA Counselor: what's step one?
AA Battery: admitting I'm powerless
@truegritrumble: *throws smoke bomb, but when the smoke clears I’m just on the floor taking a nap*
@HomeProbably: GF: "Can I be frank?"
Me: "Sure, but I'd be more comfortable if you were a woman."
@pauleggleston: I just cross-bred a crocodile and a homing pigeon. I expect that'll come back to bite me.
@gwatts77: Maybe it's just me, but I know a few people that Cupid should shoot with a gun.
@sofarrsogud: [God creating the squirrel] Shrink a red panda and give it cocaine.