Folks who voted no on impeachment technicly voted yes on peachment
AA Milne: Ok rabbit, we’ll call you Rabbit. Piglet, you can be Piglet
Bear: Wow, real original
AAM: [scribbles out Bear and writes Pooh]
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So far my toddler’s most impressive defense mechanism is pooping his pants every time anyone rings our doorbell.
Someone made a Mario maker stage that just had a single long clear pipe all the way to a goal pole with a description that read.
“This system helps Mario cross over dams in seconds rather than days”
me: AAAAAA SPIDER, KILL IT KILL IT
wife: [destroys spider’s confidence and self worth until it throws itself into traffic]
I made my wife sign a prenup because there was no way that I was going to let her take half of my Golden Girls Memorabilia collection.
Therapist: ‘Sarcasm will get you nowhere.’
Me: ‘Actually, it got me to the National Sarcasm Championship game in Las Vegas back in 98.’
LOL at vegetarians coming to my house for a BBQ! Feel free to eat my lawn.
Sperm can live inside a woman for like 2 weeks.
Nine months if things go really wrong.
Interviewer: Tell me your convictions
Me: Arson, 5 years. I burnt down my office
Interviewer: I mean like ‘firm beliefs’
Me: Company loyalty
octupus: [gun in each hand]
cat: you’re one short buddy