Mark Ruffalo is the name you could most likely teach a dog to say.
*accidentally answers phone call*
*pretends to be answering machine*
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Who said losing weight was difficult?
“Hello Blood Center? How much longer before I can donate another pint?”
mike tyson’s full name is mike thank you son
Me: I’ll start laundry at 6:00.
Also me: Well, it’s 6:02, so it’s too late to start laundry now.
I’m quitting modelling, I need more job security so I’m going to become a princess.
The only vampire who matters to me lives on Sesame Street. The rest don’t count.
So won’t Surreal Slim Shady please stand up, please stand dOwN, please RIDE A TRICYCLE THROUGH A DENTISTS WAITING ROOM DRESSED AS A PENGUIN
Hey ghosts, I just updated my kitchen with open shelving good luck slamming the cupboards you nerds
People need to wake up and accept that Batman regularly commits tax fraud
by milkshake she means trash and by boys she means raccoons and it’s a real problem in that neighborhood