@mejustbeth

Accidentally bought a left-handed bottle of shampoo and now I have to shower facing the other direction.

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@TheBoydP

My wife put toilet paper on automatic purchase and delivery from Amazon so we never run out.

Challenge accepted!

@CanadianBeave13

Midnight shift 6 of 8: I punched a mirror because it was dark and I thought my reflection was an intruder, I wait at stop signs for them to turn green and I tried to unlock the fridge with my car keys. This is life now.

@FknVancouver

My dog is so excited about me washing the car that I’m starting to think he borrows it while I’m asleep

@Skoogeth

everyone: IT WAS COLD OUT THIS MORNING BUT NOW ITS WARM! WHATEVER SHALL WE DO?

me: finally *slowly unzipping my khakis at the knee so they become shorts* now is my time to shine

@AllanForsyth

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

@mollandra

my parents’ wedding videographer intercut a clip from kermit and miss piggy’s wedding into their service?? without asking???

@WoodyLuvsCoffee

*Goes to zoo to see the world’s oldest tortoise.

Guide: He’s over 200 years old. How cool is that?

*Tortoise says something racist.

@Joydas

Half of Americans must be thinking Gaza Strip is the name of some Strip Club which Israel wants

@LuckoftheDraw86

So when is too soon to ask your friend if you can borrow their baby to reenact The Lion King? One day old? Two?