@Sassafrantz: Accidentally left my phone at home, now I know how Kevin McCallister's parents felt.
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@Playing_Dad: Clark Kent: How's your lunch? Bruce Wayne: This soup is great. CK: don't BW: You could even say CK: please don't BW: It's Souper, man
@Kyle_Lippert: It's absurd how none of the chicks at this park are recognizing my swag *puts flip phone back in my fanny pack. Rollerblades away*
@dreamthievin: Everything I know about sex I learned from Tetris: rotate it and hope it fits in another slot
@KalvinMacleod: [new hire intro] BOSS: this is Jim. You've been here how long Jim? JIM: next year will be 10 years ME: *rising from my cubicle* so 9 years