Who decided “have a happy period” was an okay thing to put on a tampon box? “Manslaughter is illegal” would’ve been more relevant.
*accidentally watches MTV awards
You Might Also Like
I’m an Easter egg in the streets and a deviled egg in the sheets.
“One day I caught myself smiling for no reason, then I realized I was thinking of you….”
under a moving bus
All liquor stores are open 24 hours. When you have a brick.
So sorry I hit a nerve. I was actually aiming for a major artery.
Quietly she fades away, drifting closer to nothingness.
Nothingness whispers, “I already have a girlfriend.”
My daughter labeled me BIRTH GIVER in her phone. I’m thinking about labeling her THANKS FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MY BODY.
Welcome to “I HEARD THE CAT PUKE BUT DON’T KNOW WHERE” the game where your eyes try to find it before your feet do.
I should not have taken this before my big rap battle
Putting up Christmas decorations was a bad idea. I’m drunk and stuck on top of the house with an inflatable Easter Bunny.