Cleavage is the original Jedi Mind Trick.
‘Active’ shower gel because I have no idea what active smells like.
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Crazy how some people consider swimming to be a sport when the only alternative to it is drowning.
My professor handed back our 3 page film essays to my surprise I got a C after class I asked her why “you were supposed to write it about the movie The Emperor of Time.. you wrote it on The Emperor’s new Groove but it was kinda good so I didn’t fail you” so thats how im doing
My rapper name would be “Iffy Scent”
Me: And this small habitat is home to over 90% of the world’s bacteria
*tourists taking photos*
Me: Any questions? Yes. You there
Son: If you get these people to leave I’ll clean my room
*Crawls into bed exhausted
Bladder: knock knock
it’s funny they call them “unidentified flying objects”. I could identify them right away. those are ufos
7yr old daughter walked in the room, casually confirmed, “You have to have a backstory to why you’re evil, right?” And walked out.
They say guys who drive tiny sports cars are trying to over-compensate…
*walks up to guy in minivan*
Y E S F R I E N D
Can you answer a question?
Y E S
What’s the meaning of life?
L O O K B E H I N D Y O U
There’s nothing there.