Can’t believe the Titanic was sunk by a lettuce
Actually Jennifer, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
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[school teacher job interview]
Can I ask you some questions?
I don’t know CAN you?
haha impressive [stands] welcome aboard!
I just shook my keyboard upside down. Breakfast is served.
it’s called “no YOU were supposed to pay the electric bill”
running away to greece is ok. sleeping with 3 men in one summer is ok. not knowing which one of them is the father of ur daughter is ok. encountering the 3 of them at her wedding is ok. only communicating through abba songs is ok. do whatever u need to do to cope.
You’re following someone who just picked up a candle and tried to drink it
Humans: we’re not like snakes
Also Humans: mmmm eggs
Inspiring: Celebrities Spell Out ‘We’re All In This Together’ With Their Yachts
On bad days I like to take a pregnancy test to remind myself that things could be much worse.
I’m against the marriage of anyone whose first instinct is to film and then show the world their elaborate proposal.