@notmythirdrodeo

Ad exec: but how are we going to reach our target audience?

Ad exec 2: we need to be able to speak their language

Meow Mix jingle writer: *deep breath*

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@ADDiane

I don’t like revenge. Just one venge is enough.

@JimmyTheThing

Gay or straight, No state should legally recognize a marriage if they don’t serve alcohol at the wedding.

@camelSWAG69

“You may now kiss the bride”
Wow this is the happiest day of-
*dad flies by in hot air ballon*
QUEEERR
*throws football at my head*

@TheAndrewNadeau

DATE: My last boyfriend was such trash.

ME: *3 raccoons in a trench coat but trying to play it cool* I would not have liked that.

@bea_ker

*blood everywhere*

“What kind of ANIMAL would DO this?”

Well, that’s a gazelle Jeff, so probably a lion *to other ranger* Jeff’s new here

@TheRolo

And on the 8th day, God almost created Lionel Richie but was all like “Naw, I’ll just hold off a few thousand years then one day HELLO!”

@darksidedeb

Maybe I’m driving around with my coffee on the roof because I want to cool it down. YOU DON’T KNOW.

@juliussharpe

I believe in a woman’s right to choose, except when it comes to picking what movie we should watch tonight.