[ad for milk]

give your Skeleton strength for the war to come

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2. Giraffe strangler


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Me: Because I’m a mom.
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wife: I want a divorce
[uncomfortable silence]
everyone else at the party: Happy birthday to y-


There’s a police officer trying to get me to roll down my window.
I’m calling the cops.


Me as student: how can I make my essay 400 word essay longer to fit this 500 word limit

Me as professor: if I cut 5,099 words, I will almost be at the 12,000 word limit


On one hand, I’m intrigued by witchcraft. On the other hand, it seems like it involves a lot of chopping and cooking.