Adding the word “farmhouse” to a table or piece of furniture allows you to charge $1000 for it.

You Might Also Like


every time my laptop fans start going mental I lean in and whisper “are you mining bitcoin you little shit”


The ex says he’s come into some money and can finally “take care” of me. Wait…he’s gonna have me killed isn’t he?


Them: You’re burnt out.
Me: Yes.

T: You need a break
M: Yes.

T: I’m worried.
M: Okay. Will you watch my kids for a minute?

T: Hell no.


Is #GoHomeIndianMedia really trending? Can we respond with #NoPleaseYouKeepThem or #OkFineWhereElseCanWeSendThem


When the world is about to end, I hope we know about it in advance so I can stop doing laundry.


It turns out condoms aren’t 100% effective, unless you actually take them out of your wallet…


Bought a water at the airport and now one of my kids can’t go to college.


All of your inspirational tweets make me want to track you down and pee on something you love.


I don’t understand why my coworkers always complain when I microwave my favorite meal: curry salmon stuffed with burnt popcorn.