@ficklenuts: Adulthood is almost as fun as a piñata full of wasps
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@ComedicBust: *First Date* Her: Hobbies? *thinks about the 50,000 piece Lego Death Star I'm building* Me: Architecture and Astronomy. Her: Impressive.
@_NinJar: I was makin out with a cute girl but it got ruined when she ran her hand up my leg and squeezed all the spaghetti out of my pocket
@causticbob: I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging a few years ago. Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.