Moon: Yo, Earth! Constant revolution?! Why so angry?
Earth: You just don’t understand the gravity of the situation.
Sun: Oooh… Burn!!!
Advice from a 6 year old patient:
“You should wear your stethoscope everywhere…girls will really like you. You look smart”
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Bruce Willis on a jetski, being pursued by a pug on a smaller jetski
So lemme get this straight. Han Solo can understand Chewbacca just fine but at age 900, basic English grammar still goes over Yoda’s head.
“wow with attitude like this do you even have friends”
me: yes in fact i have all 10 seasons of it
my 10 year high school reunion is in August which means I have 2 months to lose 40 pounds and get engaged to Michael Cera
me: *tries to help old lady cross the street*
old lady: I have a boyfriend.
every city has a “guy” they all know about. you can visit a friend in their town and see a man dressed in robes, riding a horse & your friend will go “oh yeah haha that’s horseback jesus” and then that’s just the end of the explanation.
My ceiling fan has three speeds ~
3. HOLY SHIT THERE’S A HELICOPTER LANDING IN MY BEDROOM !!!!
A midwife is just the wife between your first and third one
More photos of empty shelves in stores please, I love seeing the shelving infrastructure of each store.