Her: (emerges from the sea, beach waves glistening in the sunshine)
Me: (washes ashore topless looking like Sigmund the Sea Monster)
Advice from a 6 year old patient:
“You should wear your stethoscope everywhere…girls will really like you. You look smart”
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Ladies…when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from.
Using Latin phrases to sound smart is my modus operandi.
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art not as nice as this time last year.
M: It’s a boat!
Me writing: Day 286, Jane is still scared of boats
Alien: This is candy corn?
A: But it doesn’t look like-
Me: I know
A: And it tastes like-
Me: I know
A: So this is kinda like grape soda
Me: There ya go
Me: So I’ll see you Friday?
Friend: I can’t wait!
Me: FINE THEN FORGET IT
Moon: Yo, Earth! Constant revolution?! Why so angry?
Earth: You just don’t understand the gravity of the situation.
Sun: Oooh… Burn!!!
If you text me in all CAPS, I will assume we are meeting In the street to fight in the near future.
Please don’t leave that cake alone with me