I don’t get people who stay virgins until after marriage. Its like buying a car without having sex with it first
Afghanistan is just a regular ghanistan that’s ghanistan af.
You Might Also Like
Waiter: we’re offering Endless Shrimp.
Me: bring me the endless shrimp
<5 days later>
Waiter: please leave, I have a family
Needless to say, I don’t think it’s good news.
I’m white, but…
Nope. Can’t do one of those today.
Look, I’m at a B&B on Cape Cod right now.
I’m a fanny pack away from translucent.
Some dude built his wife the Taj Mahal and I can’t get a DM from a guy that doesn’t have his wife in his profile picture
Have Egyptians tried unplugging and plugging Egypt?
[skydiving, first jump]
INSTRUCTOR: everyone ready?
PENGUIN: this is a really bad idea.
Dance like nobody’s watching you.
‘Cause they’re not.
if people paid attention to safety warnings at industrial sites, we’d have way fewer super heroes
My personal trainer said I should have a protein shake every night at 11pm. That’s whey past my bedtime