@RodLacroix

After a week of helping the kids doing online learning we have decided that math is really not a necessarily life skill

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@samalmightysam

”Hey, you like water? yes? well I can turn it into wine.” -Jesus flirting in a bar

@ScottLinnen

Your “COEXIST” sticker inspired me to slip a Madagascar hissing cockroach through your car window at the mall. Peace.

@TySmithdrums

Hey, girl. Are you a potato? because I’m about to. Mash. You. Up. Oh. You ARE a potato. And a talking potato at that. My meds aren’t working

@FadeAway2

Guys, women can spot another woman at 10 paces and tell you if she’s wearing 5″ or 6″ heels. She knows exactly what, 6″+ looks like.

@kumailn

For #BackToTheFutureDay try and get your mom to hit on you.

@daemonic3

[starbucks]

One tall iced latte please

“Ok, can I have a name?”

Well ok but it really should come from your parents

@deedles420

If a conspiracy theorist tries to suck you into one of their wacky stories, just counter it with an even crazier theory.

Them: the moon landing was fake!

You: dude u still believe the moon is real? *shake ur head & walk away*