”Hey, you like water? yes? well I can turn it into wine.” -Jesus flirting in a bar
After a week of helping the kids doing online learning we have decided that math is really not a necessarily life skill
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[GOD INVENTING THE ELEPHANT]
Give that cow a vacuum.
Your “COEXIST” sticker inspired me to slip a Madagascar hissing cockroach through your car window at the mall. Peace.
Hey, girl. Are you a potato? because I’m about to. Mash. You. Up. Oh. You ARE a potato. And a talking potato at that. My meds aren’t working
Guys, women can spot another woman at 10 paces and tell you if she’s wearing 5″ or 6″ heels. She knows exactly what, 6″+ looks like.
My girlfriend said she liked long walks so I bought her a dog.
For #BackToTheFutureDay try and get your mom to hit on you.
I’d like to criticize your fidget spinner but I used to own a pet rock.
One tall iced latte please
“Ok, can I have a name?”
Well ok but it really should come from your parents
If a conspiracy theorist tries to suck you into one of their wacky stories, just counter it with an even crazier theory.
Them: the moon landing was fake!
You: dude u still believe the moon is real? *shake ur head & walk away*