Dentist: open wide
Dentist: not your arms
[after drug rehab]
Jon Arbuckle: Hey Garfield
Garfield: *normal cat noises*
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[at the library checking out a book]
[at the library sending a book a drink on me as I wink at it across the bar]
[at the library introducing myself to a book asking if it comes here often]
1. OMG will this ever end?
2. OMG will this ever end?
3. OMG will this ever end?
-top 3 things on my mind when I’m in a a conversation
I am always amazed when people grossly exaggerate my lifestyle as a lesbian. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a topless cupcake fight to attend.
Monopoly made me believe there would more bank errors in my favour as an adult.
If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.
Mom, I’m glad April Fools is on a wkend. Kids at school are jerks
Me:*Hiding a plate of waffles drenched in olive oil* yeah people are mean
*is somehow finally able to leave Hotel California*
FRONT DESK: ok that will be $382,197,067.92
God *creates slugs* meant to do this a while ago
Slug: So you’re saying you’re….sluggish haha
God *creates salt*
SUPER-VILLAIN: Join me! Together we would be unstoppable!
SUPER-VILLAIN: What’s that now?
HERO: I’m in
SUPER-VILLAIN: Oh. I wasn’t really prepared for you to accept.
HERO: My therapist said to try new things
SUPER-VILLAIN: This is awkward
HERO: I’ll get my stuff