So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
HER: Never use your Elmo voice again
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ME (undercover, approaching craps table): One crap please, my good man.
“Get off the phone”
“Wash your hands”
“Pull up your pants”
“Make me dinner”
My son runs a pretty tight ship in our household
I’ve eaten enough chinese food in my day that my fortune cookies have started to contradict one another
“Thanks, you’ve been a wonderful host!”
ALIEN 1: Be not afraid, human. We will do you no harm
ME: Will I like Area 51 if I haven’t seen Area 1 to Area 50?
ALIEN 2: Let’s grab a different one
Why are we all Facebook friends with an English teacher we had in high school
How long are you supposed to rest in between sets at the gym?
Please say like 5 months?
welcome to janurary 32nd everyone
*wife and I start having an argument in a crowded restaurant*
*she storms out upset*
Outside: “DINE AND DASH SUCCESS!” *high 5*