@TheMichaelRock: After shaking someone's hand, I like to maintain eye contact while applying hand sanitizer.
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@drinksmcgee: [First day as a Doctor] Me: Unfortunately, my first patient passed away today. It’s a harsh reality that we doctors have to face. Patient: But... you’re a chiropractor...
@IamEveryDayPpl: My mom remembers exactly what she was doing when Elvis died but can't remember my name half the time, my birthday, or who my dad is.
@ForEllieSylvia: Sorry I flinched when you told me you loved me. I've been practicing my poker face. Can we try again?