@junejuly12: After spicing things up in the bedroom, don't rub your eyes for at least 30 minutes.
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@BlindChow: (Ok don't let her know ur Jesus) Girl: Meet my dad *they shake hands* *Dad stands up from wheelchair* Dad: It's a miracle! Jesus: *facepalm*
@DamienFahey: "VROOM VROOM! VROOM VROOM VROOM! SCREECH!" - Entire script for Fast and the Furious 6
@InternetHippo: [my cell phone rings] ME (a person who pays a monthly fee to allow this): Ugh why is this happening