@causticbob: My wife must be the slowest reader ever. I bought her a Kindle last Christmas and she still hasn't finished it.

@MelvinofYork: Apparently you can't use the "don't make me turn this car around" threat if your kids never wanted to go in the first place

@iamburtjarvis: producer [at a stuntman's funeral]: he died for our scenes.

@GrantTanaka: Wife: you're drunk Me: no'm not Wife: I'M JUST A POOR BOY NOBODY LOVES ME Me: HE JURSTA PRO BROY FUMMA FLOOR FLAMLEE Wife: Me: ok lil bit

@Sickayduh: One advantage The Monkees had over The Beatles was the opposable thumb