Growing up, mum was always like a beautiful bird. She would fly away and when she returned many hours later she would puke everywhere.
After three days of uncontrolled laughing, random face slapping, and running into the ocean in ball gowns, I threw away my Dior perfume.
You Might Also Like
It’s offensive when people unfollow me just because I unfollowed them. My tweets are still good, yours are not.
The ending of “Romeo and Juliet” is only sad if you think two fourteen year-olds should have gotten married.
I’m dying louder than usual today.
ME: You go thru space & time, just traveling alone?
DOCTOR WHO: Usually w/a companion
ME: Folks from space-time?
DW: God no 21st century UK
Out of Office Auto-Reply:
I’m sorry but I’m overwhelmed and I don’t have my shit together right now so it’s going to be a while until I get back to you, and even when I do it may be a series of sighs and grunts in email form.
I prefer to date a man after I see how well he treats his wife.
Turns out when society collapses, every single person has the exact same instinct and it is to bake bread
As a kid I’d watch Price is Right and think ha that sucks he won furniture. Now I’m like, wow I can really use a new bedroom set.
Boss: are you okay?
Me: just taking a quick lunch break
Boss: you haven’t showed up in 2 days!