In my first job, I had to proofread tampon box instructions. Grammar was good, but it was clear that they had no idea how a period works.
[after working out] i was promised endorphins this is bullshit
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When I miss my parents I put 12 expired salad dressings in my fridge and it feels like home
Learn to put yourself first unless you’re in a battlefield.
Scars make a man handsome? Bathe your cat every day and you’ll become the sexiest man in the city very soon!
We’d like to sincerely apologize for booking the Karate Convention on the same day as the Rare Wooden Boards Fair
Some choices are easier than others:
An emergency doctor’s appt vs a much needed hair appt.
At least if I die my hair will be cute.
Wait for it
I’m sorry but shits and giggles don’t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
Your cougar jokes make me puma pants