If she runs away I will pursue her. But since she possesses superior footspeed and cardio I may have to borrow someone’s bicycle.
Age 8 – “I can achieve anything”
18 – “should I buy a lobster farm?”
28 – “if you are watching this then I have been killed by lobsters”
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*opens car door to drop kid off at school & sees kool aid instead*
If you’re here then..
[cut to kid bursting through a wall like ‘oh yeah’]
“Welcome, Karen, to Pants On Fire!” the game show host says.
“Excited to be here!” I tell him.
The host eyes me. “Are you?”
My forced smile starts to break. Sweat beads drip down my face, and I swallow hard.
“Light up her pants, guys,” the host orders.
I am not above nurturing our friendship for years just to get that secret family recipe.
I’m not trying to sound like a conspiracy theorist but isn’t a little suspicious these hurricanes keep happening in alphabetical order??
I just managed to eat a bag of chips without waking the dog like some kinda ninja.
Research shows your medication is 879% more effective if you drink a 6 pack and a bottle of wine first. Also, I changed my name to Research.
Cannibals are so full of themselves and other people
“EVERYONE IS ENGAGED BUT YOU” – facebook
*turns down the lights* Girl this is going to be a magical night *dumps legos on bed* ok first we need to separate these by color