Terrorist Threat Level: Porcupine
ageism fascinates me because it’s the only ism with this built-in inevitable irony. like, no racist gradually changes into a hispanic
You Might Also Like
me: can i buy u a drink
girl: ladies drink free tonight, idiot
me: can u buy me a drink
Me: I don’t really know anything about Canada.
Canada: Let’s keep it that way.
Me: Happy Black Friday!
Me: I made a cake!
Me: It’s chocolate.
“No, it’s not me” 😂💀
Her: The menu is in French.
Me: Allow me to order for you.
Me: Mÿ dâtę wòûld líkê thé chėésëbûrgęr, plæsê.
My kid woke up sick and told me he was gonna eat a bunch of junk food since ‘obviously vitamins don’t work’ and I think we should consider his position
Listen google, it’s 2015. I need you to figure out who I’m talking about when I type “that one guy in that movie I didn’t like.”
I haven’t seen Lost, Dexter, or The Walking Dead. But, I HAVE been to Walmart.
[on the 7th day]
Dodo Bird: those humans you made, are they uh safe?
God: yeah totally harmless little dude
Dodo: *watching Adam sharpen a stone* c-can you maybe keep an eye on them?
God: *biting into a kit-kat* sure thing buddy