Agent: I have a script for you.
Daniel Radcliffe: Is it weird?
Radcliffe: I’ll do it.
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Might get a Gatorade logo tattoo to symbolize my contempt for thirst.
“This one’s cute.” – me picking out a watermelon.
I have no idea what I’m doing.
qo? ?uo p?? no?
What if the missing plane is still up there?
Did you check the sky?
See, this is why you’ll never advance, Kevin.
[about to be murdered]
ME: *whispers into murderer’s ear*
MURDERER: No, I do not want to hold hands.
I usually roll around in the magazine aisle at Barnes and Noble before a date because I want to smell nice, but I’m on a budget.
Sorry I asked “why?” when you told me your baby’s name.
“What’s it like having a two year old boy?”
*throws a toy car at his face*
her: i only eat like once a day it’s called intermittent fasting
me: oh what do you do the rest of the day?