@Surhailo: Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, but there sure are a lot of unauthorized charges on the credit card.
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@karencheee: Happy that I paid $ for a gym membership to exercise the little neuron in my brain that argues whether I should go to the gym every day
@NewDadNotes: Wife: we need to save money for the kids college. Me: ok. Wife: you could stop going to Starbucks. Me: you could stop buying separate shampoo and conditioner. Wife: you know they might not even wanna go to college. Me: [takes drink of pumpkin spice latte] that’s true.
@batkaren: Cop: And how would you describe the assailant? Me: I guess I'd start with hair, eye, and skin color. Probably height and weight next...
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Women freeze their eggs until they are ready to be a mom? Can I freeze my two year old until I'm ready?