@shutupmikeginn: air hand dryers are afraid of people and when you put your hands near them, well, thats them screaming.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@mjkspeaks: [on phone with attorney] HIM: you're being charged for murder. ME: damn that sounds expensive i guess you can just put it on my Amex
@hoedeehoe: (1st day in heaven) Me: Whoa- is that Elvis? Angel- no, it's an impersonator M: Wow, is that... A: listen man all we got is impersonators
@TheDailySchmuck: If someone upsets you, write a nasty letter and file it away before you say something you might regret. Then punch the person in the face.
@krissywillbretz: [Spelling bee] Dad Judge: your word is "arson" Contestant: can you use it in a sentence? Dad Judge: You're not arson, you're adopted.