@MelsLien

Airlines: $35 to put your bag on our plane

Airlines: $16 for bag of chips

Airlines: Sorry you want your *legs* to fit? $75

Airlines: haha, you have to fork over an extra $50 to choose the seat you already paid for

Airlines:

Airlines: Oh no someone help us we r out of monies

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@Kulpie

Is pregnancy genetic cause my mom was pregnant and so was my grandma and I’m worried

@GrrrRach

Operator: 999, emergency services. Which service do you require?

Me: Oh! Don’t mind me, I was just cleaning cake off the touch screen.

@OakHill_

It was thirty seconds til daybreak

I waited patiently

And then it dawned on me

@NamestartswithZ

*my tweet gets 1,000 likes* My wit is classic, timeless, adored by all

*my tweet gets 4 likes* My wit is clever, genius, understood by few

@suruhh

delete cookies? WHY ON EARTH WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT?! I LOVE COOKIES.

@bluntphilip

There’s nothing more realistic in this world than a 26 year old couple on a house hunting tv show with a $1 million budget.