Is pregnancy genetic cause my mom was pregnant and so was my grandma and I’m worried
Airlines: $35 to put your bag on our plane
Airlines: $16 for bag of chips
Airlines: Sorry you want your *legs* to fit? $75
Airlines: haha, you have to fork over an extra $50 to choose the seat you already paid for
Airlines: Oh no someone help us we r out of monies
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I unironically love this joke.
From a shark’s perspective, Jaws is a lot like Home Alone.
Operator: 999, emergency services. Which service do you require?
Me: Oh! Don’t mind me, I was just cleaning cake off the touch screen.
I bet Seal is terrified of shark week.
It was thirty seconds til daybreak
I waited patiently
And then it dawned on me
*my tweet gets 1,000 likes* My wit is classic, timeless, adored by all
*my tweet gets 4 likes* My wit is clever, genius, understood by few
delete cookies? WHY ON EARTH WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT?! I LOVE COOKIES.
eharmony just matched me with a dozen donuts
There’s nothing more realistic in this world than a 26 year old couple on a house hunting tv show with a $1 million budget.