@eff_yeah_steph
@daemonic3
Mr. Trump, what will you do as President?
TRUMP: I’ll outlaw shredded cheese and only sell blocks
Why?
TRUMP: To make America grate again
You Might Also Like
@daemonic3
@UncleDuke1969
SON: Dad, do aliens really exist?
ME: *sliding a tentacle back up my sleeve* Why, did your mother say something?
@Kyle_Lippert
Nicki Minaj washes off her Halloween make up to reveal Lady Gaga who washes her face to reveal Madonna who washes her face to reveal an Emu.
@MondayPajamas
My new phone has fingerprint recognition security technology and now I can’t open my phone unless I’m eating fried chicken
@RadOrDie
I gave my friend a gluestick instead of chapstick last weekend and she’s still not talking to me.
@daddydoubts
Grandma: do you have to take a little poopy hon?
3yo: no grandma I have to take a big shit.
@praisecheese
Me: (after eating 12 fudgesicles)
Ok. Time to get to work.You: You can actually buy popsicle sticks at any craft store.
Me: Don’t question my art.
@SDBYXX
We grew up in the golden age of cartoons.
@jpeek01
Cute girl in the office sees me do something with my left hand
Her: oh. You’re left-handed too
*I pretend to be left-handed for next 5 yrs
@itsmebeegee07
[5 wearing a watch that used to be my nieces]
10: You don’t even know how to tell time!!
5: *looks at watch* It’s time for you to be quiet