@_steamy_mac: Alcoholism is a wonderful way to turn today’s problems into tomorrow’s even bigger problems.
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@spacej_me: Some people have sex to make a baby but I prefer the old fashioned way of capturing a wild baby, and that's how I ended up in jail
@whereami18: My kids decided to move a piece of furniture to a random spot, I wonder how much it will cost to fix whatever they're covering up
@kelkulus: Sometimes at the gym I'll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I'll get my shorts on.
@lawblob: son let me tell you about the birds and the bees... I left a window opened and they flew in and now I'm scared to go in that room