-a device commonly used in the morning to invent new curse words.
ALFRED: *wringing out wet birthday party invitation* it’s difficult to read, but i’d hazard a guess at aquaman, master wayne
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I have eaten
and cut open
I really thought
Where does the army of the dead get insanely long chains to pull a dragon? Is there a Walmart north of the wall? #GameOfThrones
I feel like the Ghostbusters are too proud they “ain’t afraid a no ghosts.”
It’s your job.
My exterminator doesn’t keep telling me he’s not afraid of spiders.
I just did like 5 crunches while trying to get up from the couch. Is that exercise? Am I… am I exercising?
Keep slugs out of your garden by building a tiny slug-sized amusement park next to it with slow safe rides.
Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that…
My son just explained how he wants to make a necklace out of my hair which is totally normal & doesn’t at all concern & terrify me.
Sperm can live inside a woman for like 2 weeks.
Nine months if things go really wrong.
Making a frisbee out of bread. Let’s see how those bloody pigeons deal with that!