My grandfather built his house with his bare hands.
I just groaned after I put my shoes on because now I have to tie them.
[alien parasite invasion]
ME: Welcome to earth, I’ll be your host
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Sick and tired of cooking videos assuming I have 40 perfect little bowls to put ingredients in. Grow up
(Ok don’t let her know ur Jesus)
Girl: Meet my dad
*they shake hands*
*Dad stands up from wheelchair*
Dad: It’s a miracle!
Spelling is very important in cosmetic surgery no one wants buttocks injected into their face
Drunk Draft Folder Contents:
“I was born once. Pickles.”
“Toes. Are on my feet. Both feet. Not just one.”
This Petraeus scandal is getting real confusing. I hope I didn’t sleep with him.
I want to be 14 again so I can ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
15 Is The Age Where You Either Look Like 11 Or 25.
Talking about your ex makes it sound like you’re not over them. Hide their body and move on like a normal person.
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?