Just saw a car with a license plate that says FLSH ME. Ok, douche. What are you, a dead goldfish? Flush yourself.
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream
You Might Also Like
If you give two examples and then say “and the list goes on,” it doesn’t.
Umm, your honour? In my defence, I think it was a pretty decent exposure.
An old Russian wisdom:
Tell me who your friends are,
And I’ll tell you what
you’ll be charged with.
New Years Resolutions:
1. Lose weight
2. Volunteer work
3. Lie about 1 and 2
my cousin asked if I wanted to hold her baby and I told her I have ringworm
me: are u Scottish
me: then I guess u could say i’m being kilt
I like telling car salesmen “Listen, we both know I’m not here to buy a car” and trying to figure out what it is they think I’m there to do
The person who seems most upset about my Friends obsession is my daughter, Gunther.
I broke a lightbulb, smashed artwork, splattered milk from cereal bowls across kitchen walls and knocked over candles.
Fly is dead.