Whoever made the almond-milk carton the exact same shape as the chicken-broth carton should have to eat this cereal.
All I want to know is why Antonio Banderas’ hair has been wet for 20 years.
You Might Also Like
Cancer: Expect a minor shakeup at work this week when you find your boss eating what’s left of Gary.
Me: “Breath mint?”
M: “Don’t mean to offend.”
H: “None taken.”
M: “Great. Good to hear. Care for a push up bra?”
Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have herpes. Laugh all you want, you’ll still have herpes.
WIFE: we need to talk about your drinking habit
ME (wearing a nun outfit): why *sips scotch* what’s wrong with it?
People who only tweet inspirational stuff are the same people who reminded their school teacher about homework assignments.
I just panic bought 7 gallons of wolf urine and I’m not even sorry.
I don’t know if this day is tantamount to the worst day of my life because I don’t know what tantamount means.
You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.