Who called it a one night stand and not a humpty dumpty
All I’m saying is a cucumber will never ghost you.
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You have a really old bottle of hair care product in your shower. You have a pre-existing conditioner.
Tonight’s bedtime story was about three pigs struggling with repeat home invasions. Thanks for the new fear.
God: you’re a jellyfish.
God: you have no bones.
God: and no brain.
God: you’re like 95% water and 5% venom.
God: you’re H2OhNo lol.
*pronounces surface like Versace*
Wife: When pigs fly!
Do I wish for flying pigs?
Con: High bacon prices
*starts building catapult
Elon Musk: Inhabiting Mars is the only hope we have of saving the human race
INSTRUCTOR: Any initial concerns?
I: About the test?
I: Ok then let’s go
M: *drives into active volcano*
Yeah I pee in the shower, but not while I’m in it
Genie: you still have 2 wishes left. you sure you don’t want to use them?
Me: [eating cheesecake] nope I’m good
Genie: alright then [disappears]
Me: [finishes cheesecake] oh no