9yr old poured milk on the cat. When I asked why he said “He’s thirsty and likes to lick himself.” I couldn’t argue with that.
All I’m saying is if the toilet still flushes when the power and gas goes out, why don’t we run more things on toilet power?
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Breaking News: Man shaped like a garbage bag full of potato salad upset with outcome of sporting event.
escape room employee: would you like a hint?
me: hmm this door says PUSH which likely stands for Pull Until Secrets Happen
Do not disturb.
Canadians: Maybe they’re born with it, maybe it’s maple leaf.
.. do you even science?
When he finally says those three little words you’ve been waiting to hear – I bought cheese.
The problem of guns in schools would be eliminated if society finally had the courage to outlaw schools.
If someone tells you you’re cute, ask them to name 3 other people they find cute so that you can react appropriately.
friend: i want a bf
me: i want to hold the reins of 2 equally powerful, beautiful horses who run w/perfectly matched paces & also respect me