Me:*carefully puts on my helmet and adds a bell and basket to my bike*
Spin Class Instructor: no
All I’m saying is if you really want someone to dance with you, you probably shouldn’t tell them to shut up.
You Might Also Like
hey teens ! if you think you’re angry now, just wait until you have to spend your own money on toilet paper.
If I like my job am I a “gruntled” employee??
The embarrassment when you wake up to find your panties hanging from a chandelier and think, how did I end up in a place with a chandelier?
I almost got ran over by joggers. I saved myself by pretending to be a stop light. I got away while they jogged in place.
Cashier: Aww, you grocery shop so your wife doesn’t have to?
[flashback to me losing paper, rock, scissors]
Me: Yeah, I’m sweet like that.
At my age, my passwords are protected by amnesia.
Egg drop soup
Egg bad waiter
Egg fired again
Egg turn to life of crime
[turns to date during movie where bank robbers laugh & toss money around motel room] They won’t be laughing when it’s time to pick it all up
Swirl your wine. Inhale its aroma. What do you smell?
Can you smell its buttery oaky notes?
ME: nope, still wine