When I’m in a bathroom stall, please don’t yell “Oh my God oh my God there’s a guy in here!” Respect my privacy.
All I’m saying is, would it have killed Star Wars to give the audience a peek at the Death Star cafeteria?
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[answering my shoe like a phone] hold on i can’t hear you let me put you on sneaker
*peeing in the urinal at McDonalds*
*turns to the guy peeing in the other urinal*
“So, what did you order?”
SCIENCE TEACHER: What’s the loudest noise in the world?
ME: Trying to open snacks you don’t want to share
SOCK COP: i’ll ask you one last time, WHERE IS MY PARTNER?
DRYER: rot in hell, pig
Me: *pushing my way through line* birthday boys first
Guy in line: that’s not a thing!
Clerk: actually it’s on the secret menu
Me: oh and uh *winks 3 times*
Clerk: cup or cone
Me: cone pls 🙂
Clerk: *scooping ice cream* here you go sweetie
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar*
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.
Then it just becomes a soap opera.
I’m always confused at fancy restaurants. Which spoon do you throw at the screaming toddler?
Only 1890’s kids will get this