@iinkedZombie

All of these people are screaming like they’ve never seen someone revving a chainsaw on a public beach.

All of these people are screaming like they’ve never seen someone revving a chainsaw on a public beach.

- @iinkedZombie

You Might Also Like

@StinkyGr33n

🎵Whooooaaaa, I’m halfway therrreee
WHOOOAAAA, LOSING ALL MY HAIRRRR
Take this wig, we’ll fake it I swearrrrr
WHOAOHH, LOSING ALL MY HAIRRR🎶

@urgeekisshowing

I’m writing a horror story. It’s about a girl who forgets her headphones and her colleagues think it’s ok to talk to her. So much blood.

@SortaBad

My college girlfriend texted me for the first time in 10 years this weekend and I’m 1 million percent sure this is Adele’s fault

@NeatFoxes

“50 Cent for 2Pacs of Eminems!? That’s Ludacris!”

@Amber_duds

For the past 2 nights my stomach sounds like cat purring when I lay down. I’m terrified to Web MD this. I’m too young to have kittens.

@MooseAllain

[tracker kneels and examines spoor]
– A herd of idiots has passed this way but an hour ago.
– How can you tell?
– Look. Fresh nincompoop.

@FrogAvalanche

-Where was I conceived, dad?
Dad: Ahh *rubs back of neck* At the Bellagio in Las Vegas.
-Rly?
Dad: Wd I lie to u, Bestwestern Broomcloset?

@iamjohnsarris

Reasons to carry a handkerchief:

3) You’ve never heard of tissues

2) You’re doing a magic trick

1) You’re hiding your face to rob a train

@anerdonfire2

Just so you know, you will be asked to leave the funeral if you do a drum solo on the coffin…no matter how epic it is