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@BuckyIsotope: *all the Avengers line up to face Thanos*
THANOS: who’s the purple guy
IRON MAN: that’s Hawkeye
THANOS: oh
THOR: he shoots arrows
THANOS: like magical ones?
CAPTAIN AMERICA: *pauses* just regular ones
THANOS: I see
HAWKEYE: you guys know I can hear you right
@Hella_Rad: sometimes i cry when i chop vegetables other than onions, just so the onions don't think they're ugly or something
@Thynebear: [edits wikipedia so the facts i made up for my school paper work]
@GrantTanaka: [approaches group of male coworkers talking about the superbowl] man oh man I can’t wait to watch the [looks at left palm] rams & the patriots play [looks at right palm] football
@Mindless4Miles: Me: "Breath mint?" Her: "Sure." M: "Don't mean to offend." H: "None taken." M: "Great. Good to hear. Care for a push up bra?"
@inSanelySami: Lance Armstrong should keep his awards. Last time I rode a bike doped up, I ran into a parked zebra.
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