GUIDE: i told you not to feed the monkeys
ME: it’s a cigar
Allegedly naked and not afraid to dance in front of a large crowd.
Unrelated: Ambien is not candy.
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Them: you don’t have to make that noise with your mouth it happens automatically
Me: Oh. Roger that. Over. kkkssssh.
Me: [throwing another failed entree onto the floor] make it again!
Stuart Little: please, i’m not who you think i am my name is stu-
Me: [grabbing him by his tiny shirt] make it again rat chef
How to pick up a woman at Walmart.
Very slowly and team lift with your legs.
*puts to and to together*
*blesses the rains down in Africa*
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
Fun typo: “You ate the most important thing in my life.”
“i’m sure you’re all wondering why I’ve gathered you here today”
FRIEND: Thanks for letting me stay here while I’m in town
ME: No problem
FRIEND: Do u have a Waffle House nearby?
ME: No they’re all wood
It’s actually Dr. whatever