Allow me to play for you the song of my people

*Sound of chip bag opening*

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TRUMP: I’m gonna lose, huh?
RYAN: Yes.
TRUMP: Thank God.
RYAN: I know
TRUMP: I’d be SO bad at it
RYAN: We literally all might die


Get a free debt analysis by visiting your parents this holiday.


I wanted my girlfriend to give me some time alone so we got married.


Make your own “restaurant style” salsa by adding water to regular salsa.


This aging app is really getting people’s hopes up that the world will still be here when they’re old


Drove to my parents house to exchange ham and coconut cake from 6 feet apart. It was like a weird ham and coconut cake drug deal.


Choose a job you love and you will never work a day in your life because that field isn’t hiring.


Pretty sure the “FINISH HIM” guy from Mortal Kombat is giving relationship advice to every girl I date.