[showing off scars]
ME: *lifting shirt* I’ve had this one for as long as I can remember
HER: that’s your bellybutton
Alright. Let’s cut the shit. Who harbinged this doom?
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Child: That doesn’t sound very fun.
Me: Can’t hear you; busy playing Minecraft.
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About once a month I think about this NYT correction and I literally laugh out loud for 15 seconds
Nah mate, when the Americans talk about football they mean that silly game where the fat men dress up as Transformers
It’s Saturday night and I just saw a guy with a ponytail and tinted lenses. Somewhere, a tarantula is home alone
Simmer down with all the cheating bro, its a relationship not an Algebra exam.