@9GAG

Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman.. Then be Batman.

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@MoosePunch

“Ow that dog just nipped at me”
PEE ON IT!
“No man NO STOP THAT DOESN’T WORK FOR EVERYTHING”
I’M HERE FOR YA BUDDY!

@HenpeckedHal

professor x: your 2 year old is not a mutant
me: but he knows which foods he hates BEFORE HE’S TRIED THEM

@sarah_edo

Someone sent this to me and it’s bone chilling in its accuracy

@murrman5

[trying to avoid awkward silence on first date]
you ever see a horse throw up?
“no”
*smiles and turns phone sideways so video gets bigger*

@Adyaces

The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.

@TheToddWilliams

Kid: WAAAHH! MY TOY IS BROKEN!!

Dad: Nothing a little duct tape won’t fix…

Kid: mfflr..frrrr..strnnn

@DomesticGoddss

Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I’m the proud owner of aisle 7.

@robfee

Frozen (2013): A girl with magical powers causes adults to talk nonstop about a movie for children

@TedBundybitch

When I tell people I don’t speak English to get out of a conversation I randomly throw the word hemorrhoid just to bring it home

@AristotlesNZ

Got caught again. Next time I’m stealin alcohol from the neighbor’s, I gotta remember not to do it hummin the Mission Impossible theme song.