“Ow that dog just nipped at me”
PEE ON IT!
“No man NO STOP THAT DOESN’T WORK FOR EVERYTHING”
I’M HERE FOR YA BUDDY!
Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman.. Then be Batman.
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professor x: your 2 year old is not a mutant
me: but he knows which foods he hates BEFORE HE’S TRIED THEM
Someone sent this to me and it’s bone chilling in its accuracy
[trying to avoid awkward silence on first date]
you ever see a horse throw up?
*smiles and turns phone sideways so video gets bigger*
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
Kid: WAAAHH! MY TOY IS BROKEN!!
Dad: Nothing a little duct tape won’t fix…
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I’m the proud owner of aisle 7.
Frozen (2013): A girl with magical powers causes adults to talk nonstop about a movie for children
When I tell people I don’t speak English to get out of a conversation I randomly throw the word hemorrhoid just to bring it home
Got caught again. Next time I’m stealin alcohol from the neighbor’s, I gotta remember not to do it hummin the Mission Impossible theme song.