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@Sassafrantz: 57% of serial killers were bed wetters until an unusually advanced age. Let's make fun of them! What's the worst that could hap..never mind.
@tastefactory: Most people use photoshop to create amazing art or graphic design. I use it to make fake Doritos flavors.
@NewDadNotes: Panda: am I too pudgy? God: I have a better question. Panda: ok. God: what’s black and white and red all over? Panda: I don’t know. God: it’s you. Panda: b-but I’m not red. God: [leans in] you’re perfect just the way you are. Panda: [blushing].
@Nickadoo: When a friend dies, I'm not sure if I should unfriend them on Facebook or occasionally "poke" them to see if they're still dead.