@Try2StopME: Always trust the judgements of a man who honestly answers to the question 'What's up?'
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@seamusmckracken: Sometimes, when I’m washing my hair with coconut shampoo, I close my eyes and picture being on a remote tropical island, being cooked in a giant pot by canibals.
@truegritrumble: ME: A bear is just an angry couch. PARK RANGER: Sir, get slowly off the bear. ME: *snuggling in* No. It's fluffy.
@: INTERVIEWER: What would you say is your main strength? ME: I think it's pretty obvious INTERVIEWER: Right... And you made that ninja turtle costume at- ME: At home. Yes
@AnOrangeSNES: HER: My daughter is named Nevaeh which is heaven spelled backwards. ME: *Phone rings* Hold on my son Elohssa is calling