New Neighbor: Hi, I’m Derek; I moved in downstairs.
Me: I’m Spencer; I’ll be looking in your window and judging your decorating choices.
am i anxious? yes. but is that going to stop me from doing things i love? also yes
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Client said she needs to “find her zen” during our mediation and I don’t think she knows that mediation and meditation are two diff things.
I’m not paying the ransom for my son. We do not negotiate with hospitals.
No, I don’t hate you. I promise. Cross my heart and hope you die.
This website is free. It only costs you your mental health and you weren’t doing anything with that anyway.
As soon as we’re able to go to church again I’m not going.
[walking out of bathroom]
me: oh boy, do NOT go in there
*guy walks in anyway*
*comes out screaming*
me: ya it’s like super haunted
Suddenly I’m not thirsty.
Next time during church, stand up and ask your pastor “Have you ever turned down heroin?” Both Yes and No are equally entertaining answers.
ANIMALS IT’S OK TO KILL IN AFRICA
2. Terminally ill zebra who signed a DNR
3. The Nazi monkey from Raiders of the Lost Ark