@CynicalCanuck

Am I in the Mile High Club if I jerk off under a blanket on a plane? Just kidding, United doesn’t have blankets.

Sorry lady in seat 21B

Am I in the Mile High Club if I jerk off under a blanket on a plane? Just kidding, United doesn’t have blankets.

Sorry lady in seat 21B

- @CynicalCanuck

You Might Also Like

@CatalystNB

“A decade is ten years” doesn’t make it sound quite as long as “Nyan Cat is from this decade”

@caseytduncan

If a turkey got murdered, the chalk outline would look like a giant preschooler’s hand.

@bonehugsnirony

hi welcome to my podcast “consciousness was a mistake” today we’re gonna take a nap together to demonstrate that being aware of reality is bad

@Sassafrantz

Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.

@GoldenSpirals

Why are there commentators for televised sports?
We can figure out what’s going on live, but can’t while watching it on tv?

@tracietom

8: Can we have peanut butter sandwiches?

Me: No peanut butter allowed in the house. Daddy is allergic to peanuts

8: Can we buy some after he dies?

Me: Sure

@SteveKoehler22

Canadian cattle can now legally
graze on cannabis plants.

The steaks have never been higher.

@UncleDuke1969

“Can I get you to-”
YES!
“Great! Here it-”
I’LL DO IT!
“Don’t you want to-”
MAKE THE CHECK OUT TO…

– Adam Sandler being handed a script